It's Okay To Not Be Okay

Sometimes the most difficult thing in the world to admit is that we are not okay...

I don't want everyone to know that I am struggling.

The last thing that I ever want is for anyone to look at me and feel sorry for me.

I'm not a victim, and I will get through this.

They would never look at me the same if they knew.

These are just a few of the lies that I tell myself on a regular basis. The things that I let run through my head just so that whenever anyone asks how I'm doing I say, "I'm good." Now obviously I can't just unload on every single person I come into contact with, but the question is do I tell anyone? Do I even get really honest in my prayers? Often the answer to both of those questions is no. That's tough for me to reconcile. I mean, how can I be a vessel to be used for God's glory if all I'm doing is working so hard to put a front up and hiding my real struggles? Is it really important for us to be honest about our struggles?

Scripture gives many examples of heroes of the faith that brought their struggles to God. Job, David, Elijah, and Paul are just a few that jump out at me as I think about that. I also notice though that as I read about them that many of them share their struggles with other people also. Paul tells the Corinthians in II Corinthians 12:5, "On behalf of this man I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses." He goes on to speak of a thorn in his flesh given to "keep me from becoming conceited." Job spoke with his friends and his wife about all that he was going through. David shared many of his burdens with Jonathan. Elijah and Elisha surely shared many burdens together before Elijah was taken in a chariot of fire.

We were created for relationship. Relationship with God first and foremost, but we also need relationships here on earth. We need people to listen and to care, and we are called to do the same for them. Christ came that we may have life and have it abundantly. I don't know about you, but if I'm trying to put on a facade it's hard to live an abundant life. When I finally let go of some of the secrets and the burdens though it's like I can move forward with hope. Holding so tightly to the idea that we are always supposed to be okay can be so damaging. It's okay to not be okay. Jesus is waiting there to hear each one of your struggles, be painfully honest with Him. Then find that person that you can trust, someone who will cry with you and pray with you. That's how you get to okay from not being okay.

Many times today I see evangelical Christians who forget that Jesus is ALL that we need. I hear so often stories of how God showed up just when they needed it. God isn't there though just to help us through our trials or help when the bills need to be paid. He created a world that we brought sin into, and with sin comes pain and heartache. There are Christians suffering around the world today who may not get the food they need to make it through the day. They may be beaten to death behind bars. Does that mean that God didn't show up when they needed it? NO!!!! The reality is that He showed up when we needed a Savior. He came as a baby, fully God and fully man. He came ready to take the sin of the world on His shoulders. He came ready to experience not just an excruciatingly painful death, but an unimaginable separation from His Father. Jesus already showed up for us when we needed it.

So today maybe you aren't okay and in reality you may not be okay anytime soon, but that's okay. Jesus is there to walk with you while you're in the middle of it. He's also promised you an amazing future if you just choose to follow Him now. It will all be okay one day, maybe not this week, this month, or even in this lifetime but one day...

"I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." - Isaiah 61:10 ESV

I Found the One!

It is amazing to think that the God who knows all of me

even more intimately than I know myself

still loves me enough to pursue me each and every day.

You know when you have one of those thoughts that just jumps into your head, and you're kind of overwhelmed by it? That's pretty much what the thought above was. It's one of those things that if you grew up in church you've heard over and over. The idea that God loves and pursues us is one of those things that they say at church a lot. It's a whole different ballgame though after it sinks in and becomes really real to you.

Let me give you a little more information so you kind of know where this came from for me. I have a tendency to use the notes section on my phone to record so many different things. I will type out random, funny thoughts or reminders. I also use it when inspiration hits, or there is a really deep thought that I want to go back to later on. The latter is exactly what this was. It came to me as I spent time with someone who at one point in my life (like 20 years ago) I thought I was going to marry. That's a whole different blog though, let's get back to the main thing. The thought I quickly recorded in my phone is in itself overwhelming, humbling, and just downright awe-inspiring to me. When I went back to the thought later on though, is when it really came alive.

If most of us are honest with ourselves we will freely admit that we truly desire to love and be loved. I'm definitely in that category of people. As a divorced, single mom there is a part of me that wonders if I am ever going to find that "knight in shining armor". I try to avoid the pitfalls of jumping into that whole "this guy is THE ONE" mindset. It's tough sometimes to accept the reality that while God has a plan for me, the guys I meet and/or date have just as much of a free will as I do. At the end of the day it comes down to the choices we each make every day. It's a realization that God may direct certain things, but we all have the choice of whether or not we want to stay and live in His will. That's a hard thing to realize and own. It gets really hard when you are face to face with that person that you think really could be "THE ONE" that you want to spend the rest of your life with.

This is the moment when God stepped in to remind me that HE is my ONLY ONE. Please listen to my heart, God is and always will be the only one we need. Of course that doesn't mean that your marriage isn't/wasn't blessed and possibly even ordained by God. I am thrilled for you if you have that! For those who don't though, I truly hope you find comfort in what I am about to say. Knowing that God is your One means that if your partner (or the person you expected to be your partner) chooses to step out of God's will (or to never even step into it) that you are no less loved and pursued by the true Lover of Your Soul. It also means that there are lots of other people in the same boat, and that means that God may be preparing and planning to direct your paths together with someone who is dealing with the same kind of situation. Just take that in for a moment...

I don't know about you, but that almost makes me want to shout. That is beyond freeing to a single woman (or man) that struggles with wondering if there is something wrong with them or if they are good enough. I can answer both of those questions easily... yes and YES! Yep, you read that right...something is wrong with you. It's the same thing that's wrong with all of us...sin. We are selfish and broken and needy and scattered and just flat out human. That means it's even more amazing to realize that the God who knows all of you still loves you and pursues you. You are and always have been good enough for His love and forgiveness. So rest in that, dear child of God. Whether you are single, divorced, happily married, unhappily married or whatever category you want to throw yourself in...God loves you beyond compare. He pursues you. He longs to be close to you. He is so much more than a partner could ever be. He is the King of kings and the Lord of lords, and He loves you more than you could ever know. He will always be enough.

 

"But God put his love on the line for us

by offering his Son in sacrificial death

while we were of no use whatever to him."

~ Romans 5:8 (MSG)~